Open the eyes of my heart

Just attended an amazing service with Pastor Bill Wilson tonight, and to be honest, it can be very easy to be emotionally charged and then walk away unchanged.

I didn't want that, and that is why I am going to chronicle what God spoke to me tonight, so that I will always remember it.

But before I enter into the service proper, I'd like to just mention that all of us were pretty psyched already, so I came prepared for an encounter with Him, prayed, and opened my heart for Him to speak to me as only He can..
It doesn't matter what kind of service you are going into, but the moment you decide to let your heart open, God can speak to you in tremendous ways. And so I learn today...

Pastor started the evening by asking us to 'see beyond ourselves'.

He says he is just an ordinary as anyone of us. If anything, he was merely an ordinary person making unusual choices.

..and he is who he is today, all because ONE man picked him up..
God uses ordinary people to do extraodinary things.
People who are different; who see beyond themselves, who see beyond culture...
Well, he was glad that the man who picked him up did not have to pray about it; did not have to put on a Hillsong CD to get into the mood; did not have to attend a convention.. He just did it.
Actually, the need is THE CALL. Just like how big doors open on very small hinges.

Someone in Indonesia once came up to pastor Bill and said, "I want to have the same vision that you and Isaiah had but I don't have what it takes.."
Some people may say, "I'm not as smart as the rest, not as eloquent.. I can't sing well, I..." Well, if you don't have it, you don't need it.

Let me repeat: If you don't have it, you don't need it.

Yes, you heard it right. Because you already have everything you need, to do exactly what God's designed for you to do.

City-changing, world-changing visions are not reserved for just big-time preachers or prophets.

So, you ask, "where do I get the vision?"

Now, real vision is a PROCESS.
Very few people wake up one day and flip into action.
For example, when you want a baby, you have to go through a process.
The swollen ankles, the stretch marks on your belly, the morning sickness..
If you want the product, you have to go through the process.

Isaiah 6 - The Vision And Calling Of Isaiah
Before we jump to verse 8, the Vision.
Let's look at verse 1:

In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.

Pastor gave the example of USA, and how it may be a good thing with what is happening to the economy now. Because the people had been so caught up with money, it's like they treat money as king, and same for some of us, sometimes we treat some of the things in life as king.. so it is only when the "king" dies, that things can begin to change..

Mother Theresa says it best, “You will never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you've got."

Pastor Bill had an UPWARD VISION:
When 12-yr old Bill Wilson answered the altarcall in church, everyone had a counsellor beside them except himself. Probably cos he was the same clothes he was picked up in, plus his face was deformed. So he prayed, "God, my mum doesnt want me and even the Christians don't want me, but if You want me, here I am."
God took Bill Wilson as he was and in that same moment, he saw the Lord..
God saw Bill Wilson for who he was and in turn he saw God for who He is.
(I was very touched at this point for it reminded me of God's grace; of how He accepts me for who I am and loves me anyway..)


Pastor Bill had an INWARD VISION:
Isaiah 6, verse 5:

Then said I, Woe [is] me! for I am undone; because I [am] a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.

Isaiah saw himself for who he was on the INSIDE.

When we see God, after we have an Upward vision, we will have an INWARD VISION of who we are.. It may be ugly though, are you prepared to see it? Are you prepared to deal with it? Because God is going to do a work in you.
It's a process and it can be scary or even make you miserable and uncomfortable. Are you ready for an INWARD vision?

Pastor Bill had an OUTWARD VISION:
Isaiah 6, verse 8:

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here [am] I; send me.

A lot of people ask pastor Bill how does he sustain in his 43 years of ministry?
His answer: "My commitment is stronger than my emotion.. it has nothing to do with how I feel.."
That is so true, many a time, we get so caught up with how we feel, how depressed, how lethargic, that it distracts us from our goal and we lose focus. Tonight, I am reminded I need to stay committed to the call and not let my feelings sway me.

Once you catch the OUTWARD VISION, it changes the way you look at the world; the people; the needs. It changes your perspective.

Pastor gave the example of how one day, he found a thick bunch of hair amidst the garbage, when he went closer to take a look, the hair was part of a ponytail and it belonged to a dead girl who was lying face down in the garbage. He then flipped the body over and saw that the eyes had been gnawed out by ants. At that time, there were 2 other preachers with him. One got sick and threw up, and the other walked away. That day, he decided he was going to start a ministry for girls like her so they won't have to end up in the garbage. But given a typical circumstance, when people see a dead girl like her, to them, it's just another dead black girl. But one man. One man made a decision to do something about it.

As a Christian, we shouldn't have to be coerced to spread the good news, it should be automatic. And when we receive an OUTWARD VISION, the next time if we see a dead girl lying face down in the garbage, it won't just be another dead girl.

You see, ordinary people can be people of great vision.

Some years on Christmas Eve, Pastor Bill Wilson still goes back to the same spot where his mum left him; where he got picked up by the kind Christian stranger, and he does that so that he can remember what God did for him.
When I heard it, it touched my heart tremendously, because I also never want to forget what God has done for me. I want to always remember how my life was changed, how I gave my heart to Jesus; the turning point of my life.. I never want to forget how I lifted my hand at that particular spot in church, what happened that night, what went through my mind and my life after.. I never want to forget..

Pastor gave an altarcall for those who wanted God to start the process; for a vision; to help us see beyond ourselves. He says it is going to be scary for some and even miserable, but are you willing..?

We sang the song, "Open The Eyes Of My Heart, Lord"...

I stood up:

"God, open the eyes of my heart. Help me look beyond myself. I want You.. God, start the process in me now, I am willing for Your work to take place..

And God, I want to remember tonight - Let it not just be an emotionally charged evening, but let the very words spoken to my heart germinate in my spirit man.

I was born for a call bigger than myself, and I want to fulfil what You've put in me."


Amen. Let the work begin..♥

Who else can promise to never forsake you?

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you,' so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'" (emphasis mine)
(Many, if not most, of us have probably been in physical need at some time. All of us are in spiritual need, and will remain that way as long as we live in this body of flesh with its carnal nature, its lusts, phobias, hatreds, jealousies and myriad other sinful proclivities. But God does not abandon us. Never.
We can always trust in him to be there for us, no matter how hard and how far we fall. The word "never" in this passage is from "ou me", in Greek what is known as an emphatic negative . In other words, "never" means just that! Never!)

Seek Good in all things

The earth is filled with the goodness of the Lord! See the good in everyone and in all things. A good man obtains favour from the Lord.

And if we ought to see the good in everyone and in all things, so does the Lord see the good in us! Hence, we never need to be afraid nor cower in shame in His presence for we can be assured that the Lord He sees the good in us, hopes in us, believes in us..

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jer 29:11

And if our God should see the good in us, all the more we should seek and see the good in others and in all things. Amen.

Things that count with God

This morning on my way to work, I was praying to God and I asked Him for godly principles to how to lead my life, and He showed me...

(7) Things that count with God - Matthew 7:

1. Do not judge and you won't be judged (v1,2)
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

2. Do not share your holy revelations with those who do not understand it (v6)
6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.

3. Ask, Seek, Hunger, Thirst (v7-11)
7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

4. Whatever you want men to do to you, do too to them. (v12)
12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

5. Choose the narrow way (v13)
13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

6. Discern men by their fruits (v 15-20)
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

7. Hear and do God's word. (v24-26)
24 “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
26 “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand


Amen. I must remember to meditate on this, cos confidence has always been my stumbling block. I get anxious when I do not know my authority and I dare not perform even when given the opportunity. Knowledge is power.. and I know I can walk with greater victory when I am sure of His word and what His word says about my life. My breakthrough is coming!

nail-pierced hands

Had a wonderful service this weekend - God's presence... So tangible... His voice.. so audible...

Jesus came and the Lord Himself spoke to me..

As I was in deep worship, I was struggling within myself.. I knew there was something I had to let go but I couldn't, it was really tough.. and as I continued to worship and sing to Him..
I felt Jesus Himself come right in front of me..

He stretched out both His hands toward me and showed me His palms.. Using a finger and pointing to both palms (the sign language for "Jesus"), He said, you see these hands? I have taken your sins and crucified them with me upon the cross.

And as He said that, I cried. I felt deliverance.. and understood that that I have been set free by His blood, and from now on, that handsign was going to serve as a reminder to myself to crucify my flesh, and that whatever I go through, He's gone through it for me, and I no longer need to struggle as I lift it up to Him.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked down at His nail-pierced hands again, I sensed the pain that He went through for my sake and I was touched by His love.. His great love..

Jesus, I'm grateful to You..
and truly, like the song goes..
"what's not to love about You
Heaven and earth adore You
Kings and kingdoms bow down
Son of God You are the one
You are the one
I'm living for"

Jesus, You are whom I live for.
Forever.
I love You because You first loved me, because You sacrificed~

Know the Lord all over again

Two weeks ago during service, Pastor called Jesus as Counselor, Prince of Peace..and as he called God by those names, I began to reflect upon my own relationship with God, and what do I know Him by...? My best friend? My Saviour? I then felt in my heart a determination to know the Lord all over again..
And so began my quest to seek after Him more on a personal Bible study:

1) Jesus fulfilled all righteousness (Matt 3:15)
He asked John the baptist to baptise Him - He did what was right even when it wasn't necessary.
Sometimes we don't do what is needed cos it doesn't feel necessary, so it is important to follow in the footsteps of Jesus to fulfil all righteousness.

2) Jesus knew the word of God (Matt 4:4-11) - vital for defeating the enemy
That's why it is necessary for us to also memorise God's verses...How else to wield the sword of the Spirit?

3) Jesus prayed for God's will to be done when things seemed trying (Luke 22:42-44)
Each time I experience difficulty to do what is right, I recall the picture of Jesus in the garden of Gethsamene praying, saying, Father if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done. And being in an agony He prayed more earnestly. And His sweat was as if it were great drops of blood falling to the ground.
So we can take heed that even when things become very difficult at times, we should follow the example of Jesus and get up and pray.

4) Jesus taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law (Matt 7:29)
Therefore, teach out of conviction, with conviction and don't just preach.

5) Jesus was calm in times of trouble and storm (Matt 8:24)
When the storm came, the disciples were panicking, yet Jesus Himself was totally unaffected by the storm. But He woke up from sleep and rebuked the winds and the waves.
Speak to the problems and not let the problems overwhelm you.

6) Jesus was embracing of everyone (Matt 9:12-13)
He never despised anyone/ sinners, and even sat with them for dinner.
Sometimes, we fnd it hard to accept those who don't share our same level of faith, and we view them with eyes of judgement and despise. And Jesus has this to say, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice"

7) Jesus never stopped 'working' (Mark 3:2-4)
Even on the day of Sabbath, He was healing people and He even challenged the pharises not to be legalistic. This reminds me of what pastor Mike Connell did as he was leaving the hall to rush for the next service.. As he was walking out, he was laying hands and praying for every single person he met along the way. To me, it certainly felt like it was no longer a job. Pastor Mike Connell had taken full ownership and responsibility of his call and was faithful to it. In the same likeness as Pastor Kong who is always serving... be it counseling or preaching etc. Yet, it is of prime importance that we never neglect to commune with God so we will never need to come to a stage of burning out.

8) Jesus was compassionate to the needy (Matt 9:36)
We should be emphathetic to people's situations, for they, in Jesus words, "are like sheep without a shepherd."

9) Jesus empowers (Matt 10:1)
Even though He had all authority, He gave His disciples to perform them (miracles).
And a friend reminds me of this verse from John 14:12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do.." what Jesus is really saying here is that as the risen Lord, who dwells in us by means of the Spirit, He will do greater things through us than He did when He was here in the days of His flesh. Hallelujah!

10) Jesus hated wickedness (Ps 45:7)
In fact, He hated wickedness so much that He bled to wound it to the heart; He died that it might die; He was buried that He might bury it in His tomb; and He rose that He might forever trample it beneath His feet.
Even when I struggle, the Spirit Himself reminds me that I am a co-heir with Christ and that He died so that we are no longer slaves to sin.
And tonight, all the more I am decided that I want to follow Him; to walk on the narrow path.
(there can hardly be any goodness in a man if he be not angry at sin; he who loves truth must hate every false way.)

It's so hard to do what is right sometimes

God, it's so hard to do what is right.
It's so hard... to say, "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but Yours be done."

And the answer is found in Jesus' advice to His disciples, "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Well, God never said it was going to be easy. Even Jesus Himself prayed till His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

So, get up and pray
Get up and pray
Get up and pray..

Pray and enjoy a moment more with Him..

A friend of mine recently asked this question, "Why do we need to pray since God already knows what's going to happen to us? Does God change His mind?"

And in answering that, I came to seek Him more....

I told my friend, I had thought about that question before; about praying, but it subsequently became an easy question to answer especially when you open the Bible and it's filled with Jesus praying.. asking His disciples to pray, asking you and me to pray.. etc etc

Why there! Praying IS the way to go! Especially when Jesus HIMSELF is praying too!


And here's what I also told my friend..

1) our finite mind isn't able to understand an infinite God, so we can only rely on how far our finite mind can possibly take us. Yet, we should not let it handicap us in understanding God
"Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge and He shall direct your path"

2) Even if the twists and turns in life have already been planned and decided for us, not praying only discounts us from having an encounter with God, much less experiencing His miracle. (A miracle is not quite the same without a prayer) and it shortchanges us of His revelation. Cos' we NEED God, not the other way around. So say, even if the results are going to be the same whether or not we pray (God loves us the same even when we don't pray) when we don't pray, we are really cutting ourselves short in our relationship with God.
So, each moment we don't pray, is a moment less with Him, each time we don't seek Him, is time lost with Him.


Given that He loves us all the same, don't you want to encounter Him in a deeper and more intimate way? So pray and read His word, and He will give you wisdom and show you a glimpse of future, and He can speak to you when you seek after Him.

James 4:8 says to draw close to God and He will draw close to you.

do not go back to the old days

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
1 Pet 1:14-15

Amen.

Be content in any and every situation

Things hadn't been very rosy of late, and I've been feeling rather discouraged. At work and ministry.. especially at work - Things just didn't seem to go right. And with the little remuneration for the amount of work done, it certainly wasn't very encouraging.. But I decided to comfort myself by imagining that I am a villager.
I think about those poor but happy villagers who live in the mountains in China, and as I sit by my bed counting my blessings, things didn't feel as bad afterall.

Godliness with contentment is great gain
1 Timothy 6:6

In order to meet with the various challenges that faced me, I decided to keep confessing I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

That night when I was reading the word of God for encouragement, I turned to Phil 4:19
..my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

And that was when God spoke to me, He said..
Be content in any and every situation.. whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

..
you know how different people can comfort and dispense great advice and yet sometimes you may still find it hard to overcome your fears and worries? But when God speaks a rhema word to you, the peace of God comes upon you and you know that God has spoken and you fret no more.
And that's exactly how I feel right now..

I thank God for His rhema word, for His comfort.
Surely as I become content in any and every situation, as I seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, all things shall be added to me.

Thank You God for Your peace in me..

One day in the house of God is better than a thousand elsewhere

I was feeling rather tired last night, so I thought maybe I should skip prayer and head straight to bed.. but a thought came over me, and I wondered if it really was going to be worth it to lose time with God just to gain sleep, or would I rather lose sleep and gain time with God. After all, if heaven is where Jesus is, I really should be clearly aware of which is a more worthy way to spend my time, and so with that, I walked into my room and started praying..

That's when I felt the Holy Spirit tell me, "One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days elsewhere.."

So, I took my Bible out and meditated upon Psalm 84:
1 How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O LORD of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young—
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You. Selah

5 Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
They make it a spring;
The rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
Each one appears before God in Zion.[b]

8 O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;
Give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
9 O God, behold our shield,
And look upon the face of Your anointed.

10 For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

12 O LORD of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

Indeed.. no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
What comfort we get, when we rest in God..
Amen.

Much knowledge is also vanity upon vanity

Two nights ago, when I was doing my quiet time, I sat down with my Bible and asked God what He will say to me tonight,
And then quietly I felt Him tell me to refer to Ecclesiates. While looking for the book of Ecclesiates, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “everything is meaningless, it is a mere chasing of the wind..” As I was pondering upon that verse, I found the book of Ecclesiastes only to realize that the verse came right from the book of ECCLESIASTES! I then knew without a doubt that God was really highlighting that text to me. I then subsequently read up the Commentary to find out more on Ecclesiastes and to search for what God wanted to say..

It said, “If this world, in its present state, were all, it would not be worth living for; and the wealth and pleasure of this world, if we had ever so much, are not enough to make us happy. What profit has a man of all his labour? All he gets by it will not supply the wants of the soul, nor satisfy its desires; will not atone for the sins of the soul…Solomon tried all things, and found them vanity. He found his searches after knowledge weariness, not only to the flesh, but to the mind. The more he saw of the works done under the sun, the more he saw their vanity; and the sight often vexed his spirit. He could neither gain that satisfaction to himself, nor do that good to others, which he expected. Even the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom discovered man's wickedness and misery; so that the more he knew, the more he saw cause to lament and mourn. Let us learn to hate and fear sin, the cause of all this vanity and misery; to value Christ; to seek rest in the knowledge, love, and service of the Saviour.”

You see, I happen to be one who is rather critical, seeking to define the rights and wrongs in the things I see, I judge, I thirst after knowledge. And this is merely one part of me.

Then, there’s the other part of me that struggles.. I struggle constantly upon this ‘thorn of my flesh’ – it is my weakness, it is the cross I bear, and I struggle to overcome it. One night, I even had a dream. I dreamt of my secondary classmate whom I bumped into on the streets one day. I asked her what she was doing and realized to my surprise she is a praise and worship leader in her church! (She had never been the religious type as far as I knew) Not long into the conversation, I invited her to go clubbing one of these nights, which in the dream, was symbolic of going into a past lifestyle.. But to which she refused.. She replied with utmost sincerity, “I have sacrificed a lot to be where I am and worked very hard to come all the way to become the leader today.. I really do not want to throw it all away – it would be a waste.” Hearing from her made me identify with my own situation. I too, have come a long way. Am I prepared to throw it all away in exchange for temporal gains?

I woke up the next day pondering upon that dream, knowing that there was a message behind it, and God was helping me make a godly choice about the temptations that I face.

Truly, the pursuit of all things material is nothing but vanity. Vanity upon vanity, vanities of all vanities, and it is meaningless; a mere chasing of the wind.


--
I continue to pray for God’s guidance and His divine protection upon my life; that I will have His wisdom to make the right choices in life.

Without You God, life would be a hell, but as long as I have You, even hell would be a heaven.

I thank You God for being close by my side. I feel You with me. And I feel blissful and secure..

We all speak a different spiritual language

I read this this morning..

For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.
He who believes on Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only-begotten Son of God…

I do not know why but what stood out as I read that was the word, ‘condemn’; that I suffer no condemnation now that I am with Christ. As I meditated on it, it struck even deeper that God really doesn’t condemn – NOT ONE BIT, not when I am with Him at least.

I had been a victim of condemnation… and to know that I need not suffer a bit of it is to say the least, a revelation.

And then I go on to read this from the book I’m currently on..

“Spirituality is not ‘one-size-fits-all’. There is a wonderful variety of ways to relate to God that are equally compelling…

• The Pathway of Tradition
These people love God through rituals, sacraments, and symbols. Their life of faith is marked by disciplines and structure. They may read daily from a devotional text or have a routine time of kneeling in prayer. Others may view their pathway to God as legalistic, but traditionalists define their faith largely by their conduct.

• The Pathway of Vision
These people love God by dreaming a great dream. They have their mind set on the future and are focused on what they can be. They are energized by a mission that allows them to be part of something big, something that will result in bringing others to a deeper relationship with God. They feel closest to God when they are a part of something big on his behalf.

• The Pathway of Intellectual Thought
These people seek God with their minds. They study to better know and understand ideas and models that bring them – and perhaps the people they teach – closer to God. They love the world of ideas and concepts. Faith, for them, is something to be analysed and understood as much as experienced. They feel closest to God when they are reading a stimulating book that brings them fresh understanding of something related to God or the spiritual life.

…

Les’ Spiritual Style: I am an intellectual. I don’t know if it’s in my blood – I share this style with some family members – or if my years of academic training set me on this path. Whatever the reason, I feel closest to God when I am learning a new truth. If I can wrap my mind around a truth, I come alive in my relationship with God..


As I read that, I was deeply consoled to know that all these time I did not have to feel I was being legalistic nor carnal-minded! I now know..

When I kneel to pray,
- I was not being legalistic.
When I pray to God at a set time everyday,
- I was not being ritualistic.
When I get most excited about God speaking to me,
- It was not because I suffer from a lack of faith.
Even when my blog largely contains only of what God spoke to me,
- It was not because my spiritual walk is single-dimensional.

That’s why God said He doesn’t condemn! Not even if you think otherwise..

We all feel close to God in our own ways, we all connect to Him in our own SPECIAL way – one where we can call our own.

And God...
“You are my special God.
You make me feel so special.”

When you are drowning, cling to Him (all the more)

Last night, I had a fight with my mum..

It started with something very trivial till I made some insensitive remark. Since the both of us were really tired, that stupid remark didn't make it any better for her, and I think she got hurt.. It ended up with the both of us being angry with each other..

She went into her room crying, and I was sitting in my living room not knowing what to do.

She really is the best mum in the world, and precisely because she is the best mum in the world, she definitely deserves the best daughter too. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I didn't know how much more I could give her or what I could do that would truly meet her expectations.. so there I was, sitting by the dining table sobbing - angry with myself; upset with her; feeling helpless.

As I sat there, negative thoughts ran through my mind. I even doubted my relationship with God.
I thought the reason why I love God was probably because He is not human. He doesn't live with me under the same roof, and will never scold me like my mum. But even as I was thinking that thought, I knew I was being ridiculous for thinking that way because God is clearly real to me, not to mention my numerous encounters with Him! This truly wasn't the time to deny Him. How could I?...

When you are helpless and drowning, most people tend to swim away from Him instead of swimming to Him as our lifeline. Whilst thinking that, I used my little ounce of energy left to pray.. I tried my best to be sane and pleaded with Him - I said, "God help me. I'm feeling helpless now. I know when I am weak, I am strong because You will strengthen me. And Your word says that Draw close to You and You will draw close to me, so I'm doing the exact thing Your word says, and I believe that You will help me. I trust You.." With that I ended my prayer, and sought to hear from Him.

True enough, God is never one who forsakes, and even when we are faithless, He is faithful. He then says to me, Ask, and it shall be given you. Nothing that is good shall be denied him. If all these things are to be had by merely knocking at mercy's door, O my soul, knock hard this morning, and ask large things of thy generous Lord. No unbelief should hinder when Jesus promises.

You need not fret concerning the weakness..for the battle is the Lord's, and He shall get to Himself the victory. Let us abide faithful to Christ, and He, in the right time, will raise up for us a defence..in the day of our personal need..."

On hearing this, peace seemed to swim inside me. I then had a confident assurance that God would take care of the problem for me, and that I could go to bed and not worry anymore.. *grin*

With that, I thanked Him, and went to bed with peace in my heart...


The next day, I awoke feeling fresh and it couldn't have felt more brand new! Somehow, it almost seemed like last night did not happen at all. Why, God truly gives His beloved rest!

But of course, coming back to the crux of the story..

My mum returned home this evening, she spoke with me, and we hugged and we made up.

!!!

GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM AND I'M NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT!


My Number One by Hillsong Kids
I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one

Now the sun's coming up and it's going back down
No I'll never back down from living for You my God!
I'm living for truth my God
As time goes by and the seasons change
No I'm never gonna change my love for You my God
My hope in You my God!

Everybody now!
I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one

No matter what I'll face, gonna put my faith in You
At the end of the day, gonna stand my ground and say

I'll praise You my God x4

I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one
You are my number one....

I have a great Intercessor!

With Jesus as my intercessor, I truly need not fear.

I recently lost a $5k deal due to negligence and I was beating myself up over it, but then with faith I prayed to God that in future, I will close whatever deals that lands on my hands, and since then, work has been smooth, and I closed the month's sales at about $12k, and it was only my 1st month at my job!

I am so touched by how much He cares and how much He loves me, that He will surely watch over me, and fight my case for me, for His thoughts toward me are good; thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give me a future and a hope. And that's exactly what I can lean on.. having that assurance that He is always For me!

I am recently reading this book called "THE SHACK", and it certainly drew a very mind-blowing perspective for me! Sometimes, our limited view of God makes us misconstrue His plans when actually everything He has for us is good. Like how the Bible says, "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

"That is a hard pill to swallow; choosing to only live in me. To do that you must know me enough to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness."
-The Shack

For indeed we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need..

I thank God for fighting my battles for me, so that I need not ever be afraid!

It is Christ IN me, NOT me

June 28 2008


Feeling drowned in the onslaught of pressure at work, I found myself suffocating spiritually especially when my prayer life was dry.. Everytime I try to pray, I meet with resistence in my flesh and I become afraid to pray because I realized I do not know how to pray; where to start; how to engage with Him. Clearly, I have drifted…

So this morning, I was feeling lousy as usual – feeling I have disappointed Him; angry with myself for saying how much I love Him yet not fellowshipping with Him enough, I felt I didn’t deserve Him. I was feeling so defeated…

But I decided to start somewhere and picked up my Daily Devotional:

Hebrews 12:2 “Looking Unto Jesus”

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of his children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: he tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument-it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never fail thee.
"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name."

Indeed..
God is watching; listening to us all the time. He is there for us, lest anyone should fall away, He is there so we can fall on Him…

Thank You Jesus..

God is Undeniably good

June 27 2008


Gin taught me an interesting way to chart my prayer life, she said the Holy Spirit inspired her to adopt this method.
She would pray, write down her prayer requests as well as note down those which God has answered.. Through this, she will be able to see which are the prayers which God answers and which are those which He will take time. From this, we will also be able to see a pattern of how God moves and we are better able to understand His heart.

A very good method I thought!

Even before I could start on it, I found two prayers which God would always answer promptly!

The first time Aaron and I prayed over our work, that God would open doors to sponsorships, for favor of men, that very night, a potential sponsor called me to indicate their interest in collaborating.

Yesterday, the 2nd time we prayed as a group, asking for favor and open doors in sponsorships, we received an email from another potential sponsor seeking to collaborate in our major dance events!

He was so prompt I had only one thing to conclude – God wants me to succeed in my career! He really wants me to succeed in my career.. and He will help me.

Our God is a reassuring God

Following God's assurance that He will be my soulmate and my confidante, God continues to reassure me in a most irrefutable way..

On Wednesday 21st June, just 4 days after He spoke to me through a prophesy by an SOT mate, God speaks to me again through two of my cell group members. That night, while we were all praying, Adeline gave a word of knowledge saying that God knows I feel guilty when I come before Him and that I feel like I'm not good enough, but He wants me to be assured in Him and know that He loves me. I sensed that God is telling me that His love is made perfect in me, and I really need not fear. There should be no fear in His perfect love.

Just when I thought that was all, Connie spoke. She said, "But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and earthenware, and some for honorable and noble use and some for menial and ignoble use. So whoever cleanses himself will be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work. She said that God wants me to know He is not looking for a silver vessel, a golden vessel or a perfect vessel, but a willing vessel. And if I am willing, I can be set apart for His use.."

I really broke down that night, for God is such a reassuring God.

First He tells me He is my friend, then He tells me I need not feel guilty or that I am not good enough, and then He tells me He can use me, and that I'm as comparable as any golden or silver vessel..

His words truly are comforting...
With that, I really felt more confident in approaching His throne, just like His word says, "Let us come boldly to His throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb 4:16 NKJV)

I thank You God. You are my Abba Father, thank You for loving me and I love You...


*btw those 2 friends I mentioned weren't very close friends and yet they could pinpoint exactly where I was in my walk with God and accurately point out my deepmost emotions... God truly knows it all...

Moving in the gifts of the Holy Spirit

GOD SPEAKS; GOD MOVES; GOD HEARS AND ANSWERS OUR THOUGHTS;

In the morning when we were practising the gifts of the Holy Spirit, pastor blindfolded two of the students and made them give a word of wisdom/ knowledge about the person standing in front of them.

At the beginning, I was rather vexed.. Much as I want to believe it is real, I couldn't get past myself: I wanted to know this wasn't tautology - the very thing I've always been against (eg. Daily Horoscopes).

(God heard my thought...)
Soon after, pastor got the blindfolded students to go deeper, and started revealing deeper truths about the man standing in front of him. For example, his background and his current situation. In fact, both of them even managed to identify who the student was! (the chances? 1 out of 500)
When that happened, I was thankful to God for allowing me room to question and yet was gracious to meet me at my faith level. I was elated! (the best was yet to come..)

Before our lesson ended, we started practising our gifts in smaller groups. This time, I was the one being prophesied upon (fyi we do not know each other):

The man who was blindfolded accurately identified my feeling of insecurity in my heart. He then went deeper to say that my insecurity was in the area of friendships. He said I was afraid of not being able to find friends, and that I was looking for a soulmate; and God wanted to assure me that I need not be afraid, for Jesus is my soulmate..
At this point, I cried..

(Here's my side of the story..)
I have a close friend (confidante) whom I regard as a soulmate. A month ago, I had a nightmare and I realised it was due to my insecurities that made me fear losing her. In fact, I've always held on very tightly to this particular friendship for I loved her dearly.
And that particular day, she was due to leave for a month-long honeymoon, but because I had something urgent in the night, I could not make it to send her off. Hence the whole morning in Bible school, I kept dwelling upon it - wondering if she'll be disappointed with me, wondering if she'll understand... etc etc
But of course, while all these was going on in my mind, God is watching and He wants to assure me..

To tell the truth, this was not the first time God is telling me He will be my ultimate friend. Today, He is revealing to me again that He IS the confidante that I want..and I need not look around in every other place, because the only place I need to search for is in Him - IN JESUS.
Truly, God is my ultimate friend. Because HE CARES.
He cares enough to identify my problem, He cares enough to assure me, He cares enough to be by my side. God is my friend for eternity :)

Jesus, I want to love You more each day..

spell passion

Everything happens for a reason.

Something happened to me yesterday, well not particularly proud of how I got into that circumstance but let's just say I got trapped for a few hours, and in that captive hours, I 'witnessed' passion.. and it was certainly a lesson that will stay with me. It's almost like God giving me a practical lesson:

Yesterday, I was feeling extremely drowsy after coming back to work, so I decided to take a rest in one of the changing rooms in my office, thinking a short nap should energise me adequately to last me thru the night. At about 630pm, I awoke and thought I will get back to work, but alas I heard a familiar voice outside which sounded like my colleague, so I decided to stay inside the cubicle till she leaves. Little did I know that was the beginning of my practical lesson inside that little 'room'...

Apparently the girl is outside the room practising and choreographing a dance. Soon, half an hour passed and I was beginning to feel restless. But it would be too late to leave now, so I continued to wait.

The next half hour passed and it was now 7pm - I thought, "when's this gonna end?"
It was at this time, I overheard her saying she's got an hour more to go. "Oh no..", I grunted.

And then 8pm came - By this time, I was thinking if I was going to spend the night there! I couldn't believe how anyone could dance non-stop for one and a half hours! Throughout this whole time, I could hear her putting in a lot of effort, repeating her music over and over again, trying her steps fervently.

Soon, it was 9pm, and she was still there diligently practising her dance! - By then, I was very desperate, I started praying to God to make her leave while I tried to use my 'free' time in there by planning my next day.
But while I was in there, I also grew increasingly impressed by her passion toward her craft and her conscientiousness.

At 930pm, I was no longer sure if she even intends to leave, so I thought enough was enough! I really needed to get out, and that was when I plucked up enough courage to sms my colleague to help ask the girl and her friends to leave. And it turned out that the girl actually wasn't my friend, but someone who was busy practising her choreography for an audition cum performance. (Urgh! which meant I could have left right at the beginning)

But I learnt something very precious through this.
I mean, I love singing and I'm in the praise and worship ministry, yet I have never toiled like this girl since I get restless very easily and I have a very short attention span. This incident speaks to me about one thing - passion.
This girl had passion for her craft, which is why she could dance non-stop for the past 3 hours. In that span of 3 hours, her friends had came by to watch her dance. Yet, in spite of her friends' encouragement, she was not satisfied with her own performance, which was the very reason why she stayed there for such a long time.

I have a lot to learn from her -
To me, she is passion personified.

Thank you God for showing me how I ought to live out my passion and hone my craft like she does. I want to strive for excellence in what I do, like what the Bible says in 1 Tim 4:8 to exercise oneself up in godliness.. "Those who would be godly must exercise themselves unto godliness; it requires a constant exercise."