With regards to a certain dispositional problem, I kept questioning myself as to why I had reacted that way, so I sought God for help..and I asked Him to help me understand the problem. I also asked God about solitude and loneliness...
I prayed that God speak to me.
And He is faithful (ALWAYS) to guide me as I walk with Him.
I always try to be like Jesus as best as I can; to be compassionate; to be more tolerant; to be patient, but more often than not, I fail, and I snap at my family or friends. Although my latest achievement is that I am getting slightly better at being more patient with strangers. Nonetheless, I still feel inadequate.
And as I asked the earlier question, God showed me the importance of sorting out my personal issues (for the first and most important aspect of healing is 'diagnosis'), and in my case, an intra-personal diagnosis.
He pointed,
"As long as we are lonely, we cannot be hospitable because as lonely people we cannot create free space. Our own need to still our inner cravings of loneliness makes us cling to others instead of creating space for them."
And as a response to my personal problem I was facing, He had this to say,
"When we feel lonely we have such a need to be liked and loved that we are hypersensitive to the many signals in our environment and easily become hostile toward anyone whom we perceive as rejecting us."
Solution: To empty your heart and mind. To become completely poor. For when you have given of yourself totally, even the thief has nothing to rob you of, hence there is nothing to defend.
[Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out]
Drowning in the sea of sentimentality,
I struggled to swim.
As I battled in blindness,
I started to see..
Till I learn to love,
I cannot cope.
Till I learn to loose,
I could not contend.
But as long as I am faithful to seek,
God is faithful to speak.
