Sunday, December 07, 2008

When you are drowning, cling to Him (all the more)

Last night, I had a fight with my mum..

It started with something very trivial till I made some insensitive remark. Since the both of us were really tired, that stupid remark didn't make it any better for her, and I think she got hurt.. It ended up with the both of us being angry with each other..

She went into her room crying, and I was sitting in my living room not knowing what to do.

She really is the best mum in the world, and precisely because she is the best mum in the world, she definitely deserves the best daughter too. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I didn't know how much more I could give her or what I could do that would truly meet her expectations.. so there I was, sitting by the dining table sobbing - angry with myself; upset with her; feeling helpless.

As I sat there, negative thoughts ran through my mind. I even doubted my relationship with God.
I thought the reason why I love God was probably because He is not human. He doesn't live with me under the same roof, and will never scold me like my mum. But even as I was thinking that thought, I knew I was being ridiculous for thinking that way because God is clearly real to me, not to mention my numerous encounters with Him! This truly wasn't the time to deny Him. How could I?...

When you are helpless and drowning, most people tend to swim away from Him instead of swimming to Him as our lifeline. Whilst thinking that, I used my little ounce of energy left to pray.. I tried my best to be sane and pleaded with Him - I said, "God help me. I'm feeling helpless now. I know when I am weak, I am strong because You will strengthen me. And Your word says that Draw close to You and You will draw close to me, so I'm doing the exact thing Your word says, and I believe that You will help me. I trust You.." With that I ended my prayer, and sought to hear from Him.

True enough, God is never one who forsakes, and even when we are faithless, He is faithful. He then says to me, Ask, and it shall be given you. Nothing that is good shall be denied him. If all these things are to be had by merely knocking at mercy's door, O my soul, knock hard this morning, and ask large things of thy generous Lord. No unbelief should hinder when Jesus promises.

You need not fret concerning the weakness..for the battle is the Lord's, and He shall get to Himself the victory. Let us abide faithful to Christ, and He, in the right time, will raise up for us a defence..in the day of our personal need..."

On hearing this, peace seemed to swim inside me. I then had a confident assurance that God would take care of the problem for me, and that I could go to bed and not worry anymore.. *grin*

With that, I thanked Him, and went to bed with peace in my heart...


The next day, I awoke feeling fresh and it couldn't have felt more brand new! Somehow, it almost seemed like last night did not happen at all. Why, God truly gives His beloved rest!

But of course, coming back to the crux of the story..

My mum returned home this evening, she spoke with me, and we hugged and we made up.

!!!

GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM AND I'M NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT!


My Number One by Hillsong Kids
I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one

Now the sun's coming up and it's going back down
No I'll never back down from living for You my God!
I'm living for truth my God
As time goes by and the seasons change
No I'm never gonna change my love for You my God
My hope in You my God!

Everybody now!
I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one

No matter what I'll face, gonna put my faith in You
At the end of the day, gonna stand my ground and say

I'll praise You my God x4

I won't stop, never gonna stop praising
Evr'y day You'll be my number one Jesus Jesus my number one
You are my number one....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I have a great Intercessor!

With Jesus as my intercessor, I truly need not fear.

I recently lost a $5k deal due to negligence and I was beating myself up over it, but then with faith I prayed to God that in future, I will close whatever deals that lands on my hands, and since then, work has been smooth, and I closed the month's sales at about $12k, and it was only my 1st month at my job!

I am so touched by how much He cares and how much He loves me, that He will surely watch over me, and fight my case for me, for His thoughts toward me are good; thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give me a future and a hope. And that's exactly what I can lean on.. having that assurance that He is always For me!

I am recently reading this book called "THE SHACK", and it certainly drew a very mind-blowing perspective for me! Sometimes, our limited view of God makes us misconstrue His plans when actually everything He has for us is good. Like how the Bible says, "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

"That is a hard pill to swallow; choosing to only live in me. To do that you must know me enough to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness."
-The Shack

For indeed we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need..

I thank God for fighting my battles for me, so that I need not ever be afraid!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

It is Christ IN me, NOT me

June 28 2008


Feeling drowned in the onslaught of pressure at work, I found myself suffocating spiritually especially when my prayer life was dry.. Everytime I try to pray, I meet with resistence in my flesh and I become afraid to pray because I realized I do not know how to pray; where to start; how to engage with Him. Clearly, I have drifted…

So this morning, I was feeling lousy as usual – feeling I have disappointed Him; angry with myself for saying how much I love Him yet not fellowshipping with Him enough, I felt I didn’t deserve Him. I was feeling so defeated…

But I decided to start somewhere and picked up my Daily Devotional:

Hebrews 12:2 “Looking Unto Jesus”

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of his children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: he tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument-it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never fail thee.
"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name."

Indeed..
God is watching; listening to us all the time. He is there for us, lest anyone should fall away, He is there so we can fall on Him…

Thank You Jesus..

God is Undeniably good

June 27 2008


Gin taught me an interesting way to chart my prayer life, she said the Holy Spirit inspired her to adopt this method.
She would pray, write down her prayer requests as well as note down those which God has answered.. Through this, she will be able to see which are the prayers which God answers and which are those which He will take time. From this, we will also be able to see a pattern of how God moves and we are better able to understand His heart.

A very good method I thought!

Even before I could start on it, I found two prayers which God would always answer promptly!

The first time Aaron and I prayed over our work, that God would open doors to sponsorships, for favor of men, that very night, a potential sponsor called me to indicate their interest in collaborating.

Yesterday, the 2nd time we prayed as a group, asking for favor and open doors in sponsorships, we received an email from another potential sponsor seeking to collaborate in our major dance events!

He was so prompt I had only one thing to conclude – God wants me to succeed in my career! He really wants me to succeed in my career.. and He will help me.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Our God is a reassuring God

Following God's assurance that He will be my soulmate and my confidante, God continues to reassure me in a most irrefutable way..

On Wednesday 21st June, just 4 days after He spoke to me through a prophesy by an SOT mate, God speaks to me again through two of my cell group members. That night, while we were all praying, Adeline gave a word of knowledge saying that God knows I feel guilty when I come before Him and that I feel like I'm not good enough, but He wants me to be assured in Him and know that He loves me. I sensed that God is telling me that His love is made perfect in me, and I really need not fear. There should be no fear in His perfect love.

Just when I thought that was all, Connie spoke. She said, "But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and earthenware, and some for honorable and noble use and some for menial and ignoble use. So whoever cleanses himself will be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work. She said that God wants me to know He is not looking for a silver vessel, a golden vessel or a perfect vessel, but a willing vessel. And if I am willing, I can be set apart for His use.."

I really broke down that night, for God is such a reassuring God.

First He tells me He is my friend, then He tells me I need not feel guilty or that I am not good enough, and then He tells me He can use me, and that I'm as comparable as any golden or silver vessel..

His words truly are comforting...
With that, I really felt more confident in approaching His throne, just like His word says, "Let us come boldly to His throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb 4:16 NKJV)

I thank You God. You are my Abba Father, thank You for loving me and I love You...


*btw those 2 friends I mentioned weren't very close friends and yet they could pinpoint exactly where I was in my walk with God and accurately point out my deepmost emotions... God truly knows it all...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Moving in the gifts of the Holy Spirit


GOD SPEAKS; GOD MOVES; GOD HEARS AND ANSWERS OUR THOUGHTS;

In the morning when we were practising the gifts of the Holy Spirit, pastor blindfolded two of the students and made them give a word of wisdom/ knowledge about the person standing in front of them.

At the beginning, I was rather vexed.. Much as I want to believe it is real, I couldn't get past myself: I wanted to know this wasn't tautology - the very thing I've always been against (eg. Daily Horoscopes).

(God heard my thought...)
Soon after, pastor got the blindfolded students to go deeper, and started revealing deeper truths about the man standing in front of him. For example, his background and his current situation. In fact, both of them even managed to identify who the student was! (the chances? 1 out of 500)
When that happened, I was thankful to God for allowing me room to question and yet was gracious to meet me at my faith level. I was elated! (the best was yet to come..)

Before our lesson ended, we started practising our gifts in smaller groups. This time, I was the one being prophesied upon (fyi we do not know each other):

The man who was blindfolded accurately identified my feeling of insecurity in my heart. He then went deeper to say that my insecurity was in the area of friendships. He said I was afraid of not being able to find friends, and that I was looking for a soulmate; and God wanted to assure me that I need not be afraid, for Jesus is my soulmate..
At this point, I cried..

(Here's my side of the story..)
I have a close friend (confidante) whom I regard as a soulmate. A month ago, I had a nightmare and I realised it was due to my insecurities that made me fear losing her. In fact, I've always held on very tightly to this particular friendship for I loved her dearly.
And that particular day, she was due to leave for a month-long honeymoon, but because I had something urgent in the night, I could not make it to send her off. Hence the whole morning in Bible school, I kept dwelling upon it - wondering if she'll be disappointed with me, wondering if she'll understand... etc etc
But of course, while all these was going on in my mind, God is watching and He wants to assure me..

To tell the truth, this was not the first time God is telling me He will be my ultimate friend. Today, He is revealing to me again that He IS the confidante that I want..and I need not look around in every other place, because the only place I need to search for is in Him - IN JESUS.
Truly, God is my ultimate friend. Because HE CARES.
He cares enough to identify my problem, He cares enough to assure me, He cares enough to be by my side. God is my friend for eternity :)


Jesus, I want to love You more each day..

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

spell passion

Everything happens for a reason.

Something happened to me yesterday, well not particularly proud of how I got into that circumstance but let's just say I got trapped for a few hours, and in that captive hours, I 'witnessed' passion.. and it was certainly a lesson that will stay with me. It's almost like God giving me a practical lesson:

Yesterday, I was feeling extremely drowsy after coming back to work, so I decided to take a rest in one of the changing rooms in my office, thinking a short nap should energise me adequately to last me thru the night. At about 630pm, I awoke and thought I will get back to work, but alas I heard a familiar voice outside which sounded like my colleague, so I decided to stay inside the cubicle till she leaves. Little did I know that was the beginning of my practical lesson inside that little 'room'...

Apparently the girl is outside the room practising and choreographing a dance. Soon, half an hour passed and I was beginning to feel restless. But it would be too late to leave now, so I continued to wait.

The next half hour passed and it was now 7pm - I thought, "when's this gonna end?"
It was at this time, I overheard her saying she's got an hour more to go. "Oh no..", I grunted.

And then 8pm came - By this time, I was thinking if I was going to spend the night there! I couldn't believe how anyone could dance non-stop for one and a half hours! Throughout this whole time, I could hear her putting in a lot of effort, repeating her music over and over again, trying her steps fervently.

Soon, it was 9pm, and she was still there diligently practising her dance! - By then, I was very desperate, I started praying to God to make her leave while I tried to use my 'free' time in there by planning my next day.
But while I was in there, I also grew increasingly impressed by her passion toward her craft and her conscientiousness.

At 930pm, I was no longer sure if she even intends to leave, so I thought enough was enough! I really needed to get out, and that was when I plucked up enough courage to sms my colleague to help ask the girl and her friends to leave. And it turned out that the girl actually wasn't my friend, but someone who was busy practising her choreography for an audition cum performance. (Urgh! which meant I could have left right at the beginning)

But I learnt something very precious through this.
I mean, I love singing and I'm in the praise and worship ministry, yet I have never toiled like this girl since I get restless very easily and I have a very short attention span. This incident speaks to me about one thing - passion.
This girl had passion for her craft, which is why she could dance non-stop for the past 3 hours. In that span of 3 hours, her friends had came by to watch her dance. Yet, in spite of her friends' encouragement, she was not satisfied with her own performance, which was the very reason why she stayed there for such a long time.

I have a lot to learn from her -
To me, she is passion personified.

Thank you God for showing me how I ought to live out my passion and hone my craft like she does. I want to strive for excellence in what I do, like what the Bible says in 1 Tim 4:8 to exercise oneself up in godliness.. "Those who would be godly must exercise themselves unto godliness; it requires a constant exercise."

Monday, March 24, 2008

I am honored and deeply grateful

grat•i•tude
–noun
Feeling of thankfulness; being given the the privilege; the honor of performing in front of thousands this Easter... having my dreams fulfilled, and given the capacity, the ability and the tenacity to carry it through.

God is so so good to me, I am convinced He deeply loves me. Not just because of His gifts, but His abundant grace, mercy and favor. He hears me, He keeps me in mind, He keeps me in check, He helps me, He anoints me, He loves me - Fully. More than I can think or imagine.

This Easter, I’m so filled with gratitude. You see, God loves us so much that we don’t even realize it sometimes.
• I have a dream. I love to perform.
• God gives me the gift and the talents.
• He hears me. He knows my desires, and my dream.
• And then He answers me. He grants me my desires.
• He enables me, gives me the capacity and the tenacity to fulfil it –
Playing this role was tough, even though I loved to act, it did not necessarily mean I was good at it. Even though I really wanted to do it, it didn’t mean I could do it well. It was certainly a challenge. But I prayed to God to give me the unique anointing to flesh out the role well and to communicate the good news of the gospel, of His grace that’s been upon my life; of how He saved me from the world.
And this Easter, I managed to achieve all of that.. I managed to overcome all aspects of what was required of me and I did it well. All with the help of God!

Isn’t He amazing?
He freely gives us all things and capacitates us! He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness.. How true is that, in every form of the Word! Now, when I understand abundance, I understand it to mean in every aspect – not just financially or tangibly but in every need we may have.

If you love someone, you will give everything you have in your hand, and what more will our Father God give to us in abundance whatever we ask of Him?

Amen.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Believe it!

I was reading the book of Exodus two nights ago, and when I read this verse, I was deeply touched in my heart, for it speaks of a Father's love..

And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.
(Exo 13:21-22)


And it certainly boosted my faith, knowing that the LORD my God is always with me, with his pillar of cloud by day and his pillar of fire by night, protecting me always, and never leaving me..


This afternoon, I decided to have my lunch at the office balcony instead, so I took my lunchbox out and sat down on the chair along the aisle. But before I could even take a few spoonfuls of my rice, I felt raindrops at my feet. So, in faith, I said in my heart, "God, let the rain stop.. let me finish my lunch first." On the aisle, I could already see raindrops appearing on the floor. As I looked up, I noticed it had started drizzling. I then decided to at least take a few more mouthfuls :p Just then, I realised the raindrops were no longer falling on my feet, and there were no new raindrops on the ground either.. When I looked up, the rain had stopped!! Immediately, I knew it could only be God! So, with thanks, I continued with my lunch :D

After I finished eating, I decided to pray and give thanks to God for answering my prayers as I meditated on Exo 13:21-22. After I finished praying, I felt little raindrops on my feet again. So, with a big smile on my face, that was when I stood up from my seat and slowly walked down the aisle and out of the balcony :)

Amen.

God is good.. God is with us and God hears us.