Convicted

I prayed to God to fill me with greater compassion, patience and tolerance. I had felt that I was such a lack-love that I told God I must be the most unsympathetic Christian around. Yet God was faithful to answer my questions and prayers promptly each time…

Prior to this, I have had to nurse a sick friend albeit unwillingly. Then God told me “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
Romans 12:9-13 (NIV)

And then, another time, I had gotten upset with a friend. I went home thinking I’ll probably not want to go out with him anymore but I asked God to speak to me nonetheless, and He said, “We are to resolve the differences that divide us.” I was taken aback, for that surely called for obedience. So I quickly picked up the phone and smsed my friend to clear things up.

During this whole period of time, I was feeling physically lethargic and was reluctant to avail myself for many church-related activities, even my ministry, giving myself the ‘reason’ that I should lead a balanced lifestyle by not stretching myself. Then God spoke to me amidst my tiredness, “I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others.”
2 Cor 8:8 (NIV)

By now, I was pretty blown away. I mean, for every doubt I had, God had an answer and more amazingly, He spoke to me in verses that couldn’t have been more specific.

One fateful day, I had woken up a little tired and while sitting on the bus reading my bible, I felt that Holy Spirit tell me, “Do not take His grace in vain.” Later that day, God was to speak to me about a statement I made.. It was this day that I told God I must be the most unsympathetic Christian around. And God showed me the narrative of a leper:

“For five years no one touched me. No one. Not one person. Not my wife. Not my child. Not my friends…
What is common to you, I coveted. Handshakes. Warm embraces. A tap on the shoulder to get my attention. What I would have given to be bumped into, to be caught in a crowd.. But for five years, it has not happened. I was not allowed on the streets. I was not permitted in my synagogue. Not even welcome in my own house. I was untouchable. I was a leper. And no one touched me. Until today..

The banishing of a leper seems harsh, unnecessary. The Ancient East hasn’t been the only culture to isolate their wounded, however. We may not build colonies or cover our mouths in their presence, but we certainly build walls and duck our eyes. And a person needn’t have leprosy to feel quarantined..

At the sight of me, fathers grabbed their children. Mothers covered their faces. Children pointed and stared. I grew so tired of the damnable bell I was required to wear around my neck to warn people of my presence. One glance and the announcements began, “Unclean! Unclean! Unclean! The rags on my body couldn’t hide my sores. Nor could the wrap on my face hide the rage in my eyes. I didn’t even try to hide it. What did I do to deserve this?

Moved by desperate anger, I stepped out. “Master!”

“Lord You can heal me if you will.”

“I will.”

But He wasn’t satisfied with speaking to me. He drew near me. He touched me. Energy flooded my body like water through a furrowed field. In an instant, in a moment, I felt warmth where there had been numbness. And I will never forget the one who dared to touch me. He could have healed me with a word but he wanted to do more than heal me. He wanted to honor me, to validate me, to christen me. Imagine that..unworthy of the touch of a man, yet worthy of the touch of God.”

The book then went on to ask,
“Jesus touched the untouchables of the world. Will you do the same?

Let he who has ears to hear, use them. How long has it been since you had your hearing checked? When God throws seed your way, what is the result?

May I raise a question or two to test how well you hear God’s voice?

How long has it been since you let God have you?
I mean really have you? How long since you gave Him a portion of undiluted, uninterrupted time listening for His voice…”

At this time, I was deeply convicted in my heart. My tears flowed down my cheeks as I walked out of the MRT train. “God.. Your touch… I can never live without Your touch, I can never leave You.. I never want to drift away from You..”

What I experienced that evening was immense. And it wasn’t just the book or the very anointed service I subsequently attended. It was God. I was completely overwhelmed. I think when God wants to speak, there is no hiding from it. God is faithful. God is real. We can never walk away from Him. I wouldn’t want to. I couldn’t.

Pastor Phil was right. Prayers open heaven.
For something to happen in the natural, it must first happen in the spirit. For the past weeks, I had prayed for God to convict my heart towards Him. Amen.